I've got about 4 blogs on the go and 2 new guided meditations. I've been postponing much of that work to be consistent making cards for . So, naturally today I wrote a fifth blog on

It's been a while, but I've been avoiding because I've been using it to do work. Working with emotions if very hard. So, I created a guided meditation to work with my emotions. Have a listen if you think it would help you.

I need to clean up the "studio" space. Guest interview Monday. I also need to sit down and tweak the new hardware compressor before the guest shows up.

I sent an email to a potential interview for the new podcast. This one is a big reach and I'm nervous about rejection, but I am so worried about failing at making this happen that I have push myself. Wish me luck.

Got patch cables for my new compressor. Um, wow. This makes a difference. Woo.

I think this will take more concentration to get a decent sound out of my voice then I have at the moment. I'm not at my best

So, maybe tomorrow I will play more, or record a new mantra.

I tried to explain my recently in blog form. It's like water/electricity coming to a home. It's always on and I activate it by opening the tap, that is, simply thinking. write.as/sikkdays/

There's no money to be made in telling people they are good enough just the way they are. and have always subverted

Like many of us, has done a number on me. I'm working on my and finding art to be so rewarding and filling more than any job I ever had before.

I still feel weird, or like an impostor, calling myself an artist. Maybe have a look at some of my work for sale at designbyhumans.com/shop/sikkda

There's a sale right now and I'd love your support. In the end it's about my acceptance, but it would feel good to see others enjoy my work.

Doing a lot of writing, good or bad, in my as I play off the letter. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with the numbers, though. Maybe lay off the angle and just play with the images, or do I go all 12 days of Xmas and use the numbers? Hmm.

There's some danger in attaching yourself to labels when you're dealing with diagnosis in . Rather than doing the hard work of dealing with my own emotions and circumstances, I may identify as broken. I know this.

Imagine my surprise when I recently started to entertain the idea that I'm a victim in some areas of my relationships. A blog about being a victim to my own insecurity. savethis.space/2019/victim

Talking about is hard because it feeds that shame demon riding my back. The shame can sometimes led back to addiction. As a society we don't particularly like talking about addiction. We rush people away to treatment facilities, like we push the elderly to homes. That's mainly chemical addicted folks. There's a tremendous stigma around behavior addiction. Those of us with that problem are merely weak.

I should be working on my for today, but I'm feeling an overwhelming urge to work on other things. It's difficult navigating all this introspection as I work on my . Push through? Let it be? Relax and chill?

So anxious about this project on . Conducting my first interview, for an edited, radio-doc style show in a few minutes.
I can edit, let it be what it will be, yet so nervous and keyed up.

Fear. That perfectionist crazy for outside validation because I have a hard time validating myself.

Time to setup to record my first interview for a new on .

Speaking of future production. I need to check the specs of my spouse's old laptop. Maybe I can drop linux on it and use @Jami or another option to record non-local guests. Hooking the laptop up as another source to my audio interface on my main machine to be able to get a separate track. Hmm. If the fans are loud, it's a no go.

I feel like I'm running out of steam for You can see what I've been doing on my @pixelfed account, @sikkdays

If you're here for decentralization, you might like letter M and N. Much of the rest of the alphabet has been focused on

'm doing and like much of my art, I'm exploring my emotions and . This is what I wrote about for the letter H-- savethis.space/2019/afraid-of-

I wish I could stop seeing everything as an expectation. It kills me.

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