It's been a while, but I've been avoiding because I've been using it to do work. Working with emotions if very hard. So, I created a guided meditation to work with my emotions. Have a listen if you think it would help you.

I need to clean up the "studio" space. Guest interview Monday. I also need to sit down and tweak the new hardware compressor before the guest shows up.

I sent an email to a potential interview for the new podcast. This one is a big reach and I'm nervous about rejection, but I am so worried about failing at making this happen that I have push myself. Wish me luck.

Got patch cables for my new compressor. Um, wow. This makes a difference. Woo.

I think this will take more concentration to get a decent sound out of my voice then I have at the moment. I'm not at my best

So, maybe tomorrow I will play more, or record a new mantra.

I tried to explain my recently in blog form. It's like water/electricity coming to a home. It's always on and I activate it by opening the tap, that is, simply thinking.

There's no money to be made in telling people they are good enough just the way they are. and have always subverted

Like many of us, has done a number on me. I'm working on my and finding art to be so rewarding and filling more than any job I ever had before.

I still feel weird, or like an impostor, calling myself an artist. Maybe have a look at some of my work for sale at

There's a sale right now and I'd love your support. In the end it's about my acceptance, but it would feel good to see others enjoy my work.

Doing a lot of writing, good or bad, in my as I play off the letter. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with the numbers, though. Maybe lay off the angle and just play with the images, or do I go all 12 days of Xmas and use the numbers? Hmm.

There's some danger in attaching yourself to labels when you're dealing with diagnosis in . Rather than doing the hard work of dealing with my own emotions and circumstances, I may identify as broken. I know this.

Imagine my surprise when I recently started to entertain the idea that I'm a victim in some areas of my relationships. A blog about being a victim to my own insecurity.

Talking about is hard because it feeds that shame demon riding my back. The shame can sometimes led back to addiction. As a society we don't particularly like talking about addiction. We rush people away to treatment facilities, like we push the elderly to homes. That's mainly chemical addicted folks. There's a tremendous stigma around behavior addiction. Those of us with that problem are merely weak.

I should be working on my for today, but I'm feeling an overwhelming urge to work on other things. It's difficult navigating all this introspection as I work on my . Push through? Let it be? Relax and chill?

So anxious about this project on . Conducting my first interview, for an edited, radio-doc style show in a few minutes.
I can edit, let it be what it will be, yet so nervous and keyed up.

Fear. That perfectionist crazy for outside validation because I have a hard time validating myself.

Time to setup to record my first interview for a new on .

Speaking of future production. I need to check the specs of my spouse's old laptop. Maybe I can drop linux on it and use @Jami or another option to record non-local guests. Hooking the laptop up as another source to my audio interface on my main machine to be able to get a separate track. Hmm. If the fans are loud, it's a no go.

I feel like I'm running out of steam for You can see what I've been doing on my @pixelfed account, @sikkdays

If you're here for decentralization, you might like letter M and N. Much of the rest of the alphabet has been focused on

'm doing and like much of my art, I'm exploring my emotions and . This is what I wrote about for the letter H--

I wish I could stop seeing everything as an expectation. It kills me.

This quote "When change comes from a place of non-acceptance..." broke me. So often I'm trying to change myself to fit in, instead of better myself.

More here:

Recorded Cinco. I need to edit and draw for the cover. First up though, I have a group meeting.

Making connection is part of . More than just like interests, I've connected to the following people via vulnerability. We discuss , , , and sometimes help each other. This is my cluster:
@katebowles @nuhn
@sean @nico

I hope you find a cluster here. Much 💜

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