Doing a lot of writing, good or bad, in my as I play off the letter. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with the numbers, though. Maybe lay off the angle and just play with the images, or do I go all 12 days of Xmas and use the numbers? Hmm.

There's some danger in attaching yourself to labels when you're dealing with diagnosis in . Rather than doing the hard work of dealing with my own emotions and circumstances, I may identify as broken. I know this.

Imagine my surprise when I recently started to entertain the idea that I'm a victim in some areas of my relationships. A blog about being a victim to my own insecurity. savethis.space/2019/victim

Talking about is hard because it feeds that shame demon riding my back. The shame can sometimes led back to addiction. As a society we don't particularly like talking about addiction. We rush people away to treatment facilities, like we push the elderly to homes. That's mainly chemical addicted folks. There's a tremendous stigma around behavior addiction. Those of us with that problem are merely weak.

I should be working on my for today, but I'm feeling an overwhelming urge to work on other things. It's difficult navigating all this introspection as I work on my . Push through? Let it be? Relax and chill?

So anxious about this project on . Conducting my first interview, for an edited, radio-doc style show in a few minutes.
I can edit, let it be what it will be, yet so nervous and keyed up.

Fear. That perfectionist crazy for outside validation because I have a hard time validating myself.

Time to setup to record my first interview for a new on .

Speaking of future production. I need to check the specs of my spouse's old laptop. Maybe I can drop linux on it and use @Jami or another option to record non-local guests. Hooking the laptop up as another source to my audio interface on my main machine to be able to get a separate track. Hmm. If the fans are loud, it's a no go.

I feel like I'm running out of steam for You can see what I've been doing on my @pixelfed account, @sikkdays

If you're here for decentralization, you might like letter M and N. Much of the rest of the alphabet has been focused on

'm doing and like much of my art, I'm exploring my emotions and . This is what I wrote about for the letter H-- savethis.space/2019/afraid-of-

I wish I could stop seeing everything as an expectation. It kills me.

This quote "When change comes from a place of non-acceptance..." broke me. So often I'm trying to change myself to fit in, instead of better myself.

More here: savethis.space/2019/improving-

Recorded Cinco. I need to edit and draw for the cover. First up though, I have a group meeting.

Making connection is part of . More than just like interests, I've connected to the following people via vulnerability. We discuss , , , and sometimes help each other. This is my cluster:
@arturovm
@verycarapesque
@Rheall
@tim
@katebowles @nuhn
@m4iler
@sean @nico

I hope you find a cluster here. Much 💜

Oh right. Taxes.

That's always an exercise in

I can't wait.
😖

Intent.

This is my takeaway today.

Each moment I need to live with intent to be kind to myself.

Maybe it is that simple.

Okay, I think I'm going to grab a US calling plan. They're not super expensive. Even so, that's not putting the onus on my friends and family.

So, I've found harmonizely.com which I can hook up to my calendar. I set up availability there and people can make dates to chat. Then, I'll call them.

Now, will people be put off by this somewhat cold scheduling thing?

At least I'm trying to make an effort. Take that .

It's difficult to stay in touch in this day and age and care about .

I realize this probably has a lot to do with my , but I feel like a dick saying, "Let's stay in touch, but I don't want to use Google, FB, or FB owned WhatsApp.

That's cutting out a lot of "easy" methods my non-techie friends and family.

I have to be willing to meet them halfway, but they also have to make that leap.

Maybe I should just look into a calling plan that supports the US.

My poor . She's travelled with us once and visited the same family dogs we're seeing this time. However, she's more protective and territorial now that she has a family to lose.

So there's been some posturing with growls and snarls, but today she's got into it and is now bleeding from a small cut.

I'm so distraught now. I feel like an awful dog dad. My heart is breaking for her.

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